The Mama Chronicles

Due Date!

40 weeks today.  Now we begin the waiting game.  Bleh!  I really hate due dates.  Because really they don't mean anything.  But, at the same time they change everything!  Now I can't call friends or family because they will automatically think I am in labor, or had the baby.  Also time changes.  Before today I would have been early, tomorrow will begin being late.  Just counting days.  1 day late, 2 days late, 3 days late...on and on in a never ending marching order.  Even though this is a third baby I feel like I will be totally surprised when I go into labor. 

We made it to CA just fine last Sunday.  The trip was pretty uneventful.  Ryan had thought we would be able to drive straight through.  That I would be able to sleep in the car and he would drive at night and then I would be able to drive during the day.  Obviously the man has never been 9 months pregnant!  There was no sleeping in the car.  We made it to Bloomington, IL the first night.  The second night we slept in Cheyenne, WY, and then the third night we slept in Lovelock, NV.  We tried to sleep in Winnemucca.  But they had the National High School Rodeo Championships going on and every hotel was booked.  Nevada was the hardest state, in my opinion.  First off there are not lot of bathrooms to stop at.  A 9 month pregnant woman squatting on the off ramp of dead end exits is not a graceful thing to watch.  At one stop it was so windy Ryan had to come help me balance (all in the middle of the night, so you can visualize easily.)  So he came around to help me stay upright.  It was slightly raining too.  He stood in front of me at first but decided the wind was too strong and that it would be better to have me sort of block the wind a bit.  I don't think he realized my hair was whipping the exact direction he decided to move to.  So while I was midstream with pregnant lady bladder control he moved downwind.  Bad Idea.  At first he thought maybe it was just raining harder, on his ankles.  Then the pieces fell into place. He ended up purelling his ankles and feet before we drove off.  I told him urine is fairly sterile, but that didn't really comfort him.  I think it is the yellow color of it that threw him.  But, it was dark so he should have been fine. 

This is how trips are for us.  A lot of fun.  A lot of memories.  I do so love him!  And am glad we can joke around.  I think a big part of the foundation of our marriage is crazy road trip stories.  So that is all from here.  Back where it feels like home waiting for baby and hubby who flew back to bank vacation days.  I know how crazy others, and even I, think it was to not just have my baby in the hospital in Ohio.  But, now that I am here I know I made the right decision.  I am doing this for the baby, for me, and because I believe in homebirth and every woman's right to choose what is bast for her in birth! 

Needing to have less

(this photo is of a coat rack our friends painted and carved for Lacy as a gift.  When we lived in the 80 year old house we couldn't hang it on the plaster walls.  This is one huge benefit to a new house I guess.  You can nail something up every 6-8 inches.)

Lately, I have found myself needing to have less.  Not that I feel like I need less or that I have gotten rid of a lot of things but that I have this need to simplify.  I have this desire to have less.  To have peace.  Which is funny in a way because I am in the process of getting ready to make all of our lives more complicated with the birth of a third child.  But, I notice when we clean a room, that I feel better.  I think relationally my life has more peace now than it has had in a few years.  Maybe it is from this emotional peace that I am starting to want to have peace in all areas of my life.  This is, I think, the blessing of my thirties that I am able to stop living in a chaotic way.  For the last 3 years we were in California we were always two weeks away from being relocated with Ryan's company.  I think this frantic unknown started to take hold in so many ways.

The other place I see this simplicity calling to me is in my desire to have rhythms.  I have been reading a book called Beyond The Rainbow Bridge that is essentially a how to on Waldorf for the first 7 years of your child's life in your home.  Although I do not subscribe to Waldorf in a lot of ways I am seeing the need of my children, especially Lacy to have more rhythm and and be able to tune in to the high energy times by recharging with low energy times.  The breathe in and breathe out of Waldorf education.  In the past I have known parents who are very strict with schedules.  I notice with these kids that they get very upset when their routine is modified slightly.  I think as a young parent I avoided routines and schedules for this reason.  I only saw the extreme.  Also, when I was having Lacy and Oliver the big thing to do in our church was Babywise, which has been shown to be so bad for kids.  So I wanted to not have any schedule or routine.  I wanted my kids to feel free.  But, as we clean out and prepare for another baby I see that our "freedom" has become restricted by what we own and by not following the kids natural emotional and physical rhythms and cues.  I think part of this realization took root when Lacy turned four and it became apparent that she had to have a nap, every day.  She hadn't napped since she was 2 and 3/4.  Something about turning four though changed that.  She is once again outgrowing naps but I see how for her these are a much larger scale of the breathing in and breathing out times utilized in Waldorf day schools. 

As for me, I need some rhythm.  What I really need are some anchors that I can depend on each day.  Ways to keep up and feel centered.  I need to have and find a rhythm to housekeeping and eating in order to be able tune into the patterns my kids and I have so that I will notice more quickly when my kids need more or less sleep.  This is instead of the scratching my head and wondering why my child has become a little troublemaker and worrying that they are doomed to a life of juvenile court and lonliness, before realizing, Oh yeah, they need 3 more hours of sleep per day now.  It reminds me of when they were babies and we would have few nights where they had trouble sleeping and were nursing all night and I would think this baby is never going to let me sleep again.  And then bleary eyed a few days later I would look down and see the runny nose and the beginning of a cold, or the tooth that starts coming through.  I think the chaos and the stuff makes it hard sometimes for me to tune into these things and I end up feeling like I am one step behind. 

The other thing that I really like in this book is that she talks about focusing on the task you are doing.  If you are washing the dishes she says you should pay attention to that and not be frantically rushing through and preoccupied with what you are going to do next.  Let me tell you right now being SO pregnant this is SO hard for me.  I am perpetually thinking of the next thing I have to do before we leave for CA to have the baby.  I am thinking of the next thing I need to get done before I have a newborn again.  I am pretty preoccupied all the time.  So, this calls to me.  As a way to start.  To be present and engaged in the task I am doing.  That is what is going on here. 

I am going to be very sporadic on the blog.  I have gotten very uncomfortable and have a lot of nesting I need to do before we fly the nest.  We leave in 2 weeks.  I am trying to learn self hypnosis for the birth  and as a way to not worry if we will be in the right place with Ryan there for the birth.  I think this pregnancy has been the hardest one because of all the legal issues with midwives here in Ohio and the result being that I have to do my own prenatal care and am lacking the emotional support that is so important in pregnancy.  It has been a really rough road and I am just now realizing the impact on me as a mother.  Having midwifery skills does not make me able to give to myself as care provider.  It means I can take all the necessary measurements and vitals but not that I can just be the mom worrying and emotional.  I think that I will feel a really big relief when the baby is in our arms and I am able to just be a mother.  It will be great to get to be taken care of as we wait for the baby in Ca and have someone else do my blood pressure, listen and palpate the baby and monitor all the diet and other things.  My other reason for absence is that I need to start journaling.  Everything is great here I just am in that really introspective huge pregnant big as a house phase.  :)

Good Bye

My family on my Dad's side is sort of all to themselves.  I did not grow up with family around or close to my aunts, uncles, grandfather etc.  There is some back story there that does not need to be shared.  Needless to say even two generations ago parents made mistakes.  I got a call that my aunt Nancy passed away what would be an hour ago now.  this doesn't fit in on the blog.  But, I really liked my Aunt Nancy and don't want it to just disappear into nothing.  Since my family is not really emotional or close I am sort of on my own.  But, it does feel appropriate to share it here.  I am not upset, per se, she has been fighting aggressive brain cancer for the last three years.  Her husband had passed away from cancer right before she was diagnosed.  One or the other of them has had cancer since 2 weeks before I got married.  But, this is not what I want to say.

What I want to say is that I am so very proud of her.  Proud of her for holding on.  She really just wanted to follow my Uncle Kermit and not stick around.  Her son wanted her to fight and do lots of treatments and she did.  Which is good because she got in more years with her granddaughters.  Lacy got to meet my Aunt Nancy when she was one, right at the time she really wanted to give up.  It meant so much to me that we were able to make that visit.  I am so sorry that I did not take Oliver down to meet her.   My Aunt Nancy was really great because when I was in high school she sent me the only pictures I have ever seen of my grandmother and told me that I looked like and reminded her of Grandmother Ernestine.  It was only ever from her that I have ever heard about what my grandmother was like and what my grandfather used to be like.  She told me sad family stories as well as interesting facts she had learned from doing our family's geneology.  I learned more from her about my family than anyone else.  Also, my favorite birthday cards always came from Aunt Nancy and Uncle Kermit.  One dollar each year.  It was a special way to know I was being remembered and she never missed a birthday.  These are sort of not very big things in the course of things.  But, what my Aunt Nancy gave me was a history I would not have otherwise had.  And a place to fit into my extended family that I have never really gotten to know.  I am glad to have spent the little amount of time with her that I have.  I wish her well as she moves on and hope that at the end it was a relief and peaceful.  Good bye Aunt Nancy. 

Making

In Martha Stewart Living (the first good issue from my vantage in a while) she had an article on how to make nests. Lacy has been making nests for about a year. It began last spring. Out of the blue of spring skies and life after our first snow. She started dragging sticks home when we would play. We had a collection on our porch. I asked her what she was doing and she looked at me with her expression that says "Isn't it obvious." And told me she was making a nest. For her. To sit on. I don't know how other moms would feel. I felt elated, exuberated, supportive! So I let her bring sticks in the car, I had always said no to rocks, and let her build her nests. Which would disappear before she ever got them fully made. It is a hard world for nest builders! Anyway, when I saw this article I had to show it to Lacy. So after getting the limited supplies we could find, I guess I don't where to go in Cincinnati, and letting our sticks soak, we made our nests. We also water-colored big wooden eggs. The nests turned out pretty good for a 4 year old and mom attempting a grown up MSL project together. Happy nesting!

We used the thinnest grapevines we could find and gold instead of brown wire. Lacy wanted to leave it open in the bottom. The birds we bought with the grapevines at Michael's. Not like the article... better, because although my photos lack the beauty and perfection of a magazine layout. Ours are special nests, mother and daughter nests. Not telling who made which one though!!! (I am not sure why this photo is coming up blurry. It is not blurry on my computer.)

Oliver turned two!

Oliver turned two yesterday. He got a really good selection of gifts: A smart track brio train, an indoor/outdoor plastic slide, and best in my opinion as Lacy and Ryan have played with them a lot: Kapla blocks. These blocks are really great. They are just wooden planks that you can literally build into anything. Lots of fun.

We now have this big two year old laugh: (sound effect is heeheeheehee, from deep in the belly)

Happy 2nd Birthday Oliver! What I love about our family is how different our kids are. I hope this next baby is also completely different. Yet they still love each other (most of the time.) Oliver is a ham. When you take out the camera he says mememe! and points to himself.

The cupcake is a mousse filled cupcake with chocolate glaze frosting, yummy, from the cupcakes book!
(Did ya notice the plate? By far one of my best mommy things. After the baby is born when they are still tiny I take them to the pottery place and make them a birthday plate. I put their little baby footprints in the center. Oliver's turned out much batter than Lacy's. So I would recommend always using black paint for the footprint, pressing firmly on the baby's foot starting at the toes, and (this one I learned from Oliver) use a light background color.)

Blizzard hits Ohio!

No joke. A blizzard hit Ohio this weekend. It is over now. What is an actual blizzard? A severe snowstorm with strong winds and limited visibility. For us that meant 12+ inches in 24 hours. And being literally snowed in. Day 1: Lacy declared naked time. No joke. This hasn't happened since she was two. But, she talked Oliver into following suit. So we let him run around diaper free. When they started wrestling Ryan did ask if maybe this was going a bit far. But, it was all very innocent. I wonder if I will ever be comfortable running around naked again? I did close all the blinds though. I mean come on, we live in the most conservative county in Ohio, not in Ca anymore. No pics of day one. I do have limits. Then day two we stayed in our pajamas and made baked potato soup. This was my favorite soup when I waitressed at Bennigan's. Lacy went out in the snow a lot with snow clothes over PJs. Then last night she asked to wear daytime clothes to bed since we wore PJ's all day.

I had thought, when we were still living in CA, that being snowed in would yield great productivity. I pictured myself sitting at the sewing machine or knitting by the fire. I saw mountains of finished products and time used wisely. All to the backdrop of snow falling softly outside. Ummm, this was not my reality. The snow, and so much of it sent me into sort of a funk. I didn't do anything. I didn't study, clean house, or even go near my knitting or sewing. I did rip out the half I had knitted in the second leg of the baby pants. (Apparently an Addi turbo size 6 does not equal a Clover size 6 needle.) What I did do was cuddle a lot. With my kids, with my husband, with the new baby. And I thought a lot. I came to the conclusion that I feel like I am in a really good place right now. Spiritually, emotionally, mommily, wifely, and in life. I also let as much light into our house as I could because I felt winter type depression coming on. In the end, the blizzard thing was sort of overrated. Maybe I will do better next time!

One of the things I thought about was praise. I was sort of forced to think about it. At our unschooling meeting on Thursday we talked about it quite a bit, or maybe it just stuck out quite a bit. Then I read about it on Lori's blog. It was one of those things where you feel like saying, out loud, in a very strong voice, "OK, I will ponder this!" I thought a lot about my own kids and about myself. I feel like I never pleased my dad. In all honesty. Like I never measured up. I am an only child so this wasn't due to siblings. Also, I must say, I have a wonderful father. He has supported me even when he disagrees with me. I know he doesn't agree, but I also know that he is still my dad. But, it just never felt/ feels like enough. I received lots of affection from my dad, so that's not it. But, I think verbally, maybe I heard more no or more not like that, or this way than you keep going along your path. At least that is what I felt like what I heard most of. I made very big decisions based on what I thought would impress my dad. The one day I felt like I did totally impress him was when I graduated from college. But, in reality, I obtained a degree I will never use. In a subject that interests me but holds none of my passions. When you have one parent who is bipolar and alcoholic I think you really look to the other parent for what is normal and what it good. I think maybe I needed to hear more about what a neat person I was. From my mom I only ever heard genuineness in her voice when she was telling me how much she hated me. I don't think my dad realized he had an extra burden. So, now, as an adult, I am learning to do things for me. What this has to do with praise is: I really don't think that overpraising is the only thing that leads to creating a child who wants to seek praise, who makes decisions for others. I think under-praising can do this. I think that children will actually seek more praise if they don't get enough.

So what about me as a parent? For my kids I really tried for a long time (Not that long, my oldest is 4) to not praise, to not reaffirm and to not criticize. But, then I had this daughter who would ask for praise. She would ask me if I thought she was beautiful, and she would ask me if I thought she had done a good job. She would ask if I was proud of her. This broke my heart. I realized, not praising was not the way to go. I also am learning that she is a lot like me. So the balance I have found is to praise her. Not too much and not for socially acceptable things. I don't praise her for behaving or for doing what I want. I praise her for being willing to do her own thing, for being her own person. I tell her that she sure is a funny kid and that she makes me happy. I try to praise her like this when she hasn't done anything. Just randomly try to turn to her and say something like "Your jokes really make me laugh" or "it is a lot of fun to listen to your stories." I try to not make it about achievement or about things I want her to do. I try to make it about encouraging what I already see in her. I don't tell her that she is really is good at things she isn't, I see this, and have read about doing this, in order to get kids to do more of that thing. It is a hard balance. I don't think I over praise because she doesn't get praised everyday, it is not a clockwork thing. On our hardest days she probably gets a little more praise than on our easiest days. I think this is a result of my internal coping mechanisms. When she is being very 4, I think to all the things that have me happy in the past. I try to stop focusing on the fact that she is hitting her brother, dumping out her toys, ripping books, and driving me crazy. This praise thing is a hard deal. But, I think that children are also very smart. I think they know what is genuine and what is not. We live a very genuine life here. I think each family needs to find their own way. But, I don't want any parent to ever feel like they can not tell their child how great they are for being them. Which was where I was headed when my daughter was a toddler. What do you think? Go on over and join the discussion at Camp Creek Press or start a dialogue here if you want. I don't have any of the answers. I am muddling through too!

Baby is 24 weeks today, the length of a large corn cob. Very exciting. I am starting to get that question. You know the one "Are you having a boy or a girl." I just say I think it is a girl. I will in reality never see the people who ask again. I really do think it is a girl and I am not comfortable explaining why I am not getting prenatal care. As I gestate though I get stronger and stronger girl feelings. I feel more and more connected this babe. I respect more and more that the relationship between mother and child is so special. My husband would not want to carry a baby through pregnancy. But, I sure think he misses out on a lot. I hope you have a very peaceful day. I think that is what the blizzard brought me most of all!

And here are my three favorite blogs for very different reasons:
the first is Melissa's because she is one of my dearest friends.
Mommies Think Too
She is a recent blogger so go by and say hi.

The second is Camp Creek Press because I feel like it is really in tune with our family. Where we watercolor daily and draw all the time. And I also feel like her art lessons incorporate nicely into our unschooling.
Camp Creek Press

And the last is one that I started always reading when she posted her home summer camp last summer. I think this blog does a good job of mixing craft, with parenting, with the rest of life.
Two Straight lines

I checked these blogs this weekend and only these blogs when I was avoiding the snow!

Haircuts and Library books

There are some things I love about being a mom and some I hate. My top two hate things would have to be haircuts and clipping baby fingernails. I hate haircuts because they always seem to make my babies grow up in by years in the passing of a few moments. Oliver got his first haircut. And while he now looks handsome. He also looks SO different. Lacy, also got a haircut. Usually we do her hair at home. But, I really needed to watch someone else cut boy hair before attempting it on my own. Boy hair is a whole different learning curve. I didn't want Lacy to feel left out so we got her hair cut at the fancy children's place too. We are still trying to catch up from her scissor adventure 11 mos. ago when she whacked off a chunk towards her scalp right in the front. We are about 1/2 an inch away now. Haircuts are so hard for me that Oliver waited 13 days shy of his 2nd birthday before going under the scissor. Now he is boy. They grow up so soon.

As much as I hate to see my little ones grow up. I have to admit that we are having a lot of fun. We usually go to the library every other week. We have started picking up seasonal picture books and holiday picture books. We are reading a lot about snow. As much as I also have a hard time being in Cincinnati the Hamilton County Library is absolutely the best. I have been able to request almost all the books I would have bought in more financially careless time and have them sent to the closest library. Currently I am really interested in kid's art. I got a at least one, maybe more of these book suggestions springing from favorite blogs. First, the Reggio Emilia interest came from Camp Creek Blog's rec. reading list my library fabulous though it was did not have the specific books she listed. Other sources for the books were Melissa and The Artful Parent (her suggestions led me to try the other books, we also checked out and are loving The Dot but the kids have them elsewhere in the house right now.) If you need good resources I would check out these lists. Also for Kid's books I find a lot of good picture book suggestions on Uncommon Grace, this blog has led me to really embrace living in a place with seasons through reading.

Observational Drawing

Following the directions here we tried observational drawing last week. Oliver even tried. I am sure at almost 2 he is not aware of what he was doing. But, to sit down with his big sister, Lacy, and mom and scribble was fun in itself. Maybe confusing why a shoe was on the table. Lacy is 4. We don't do "structure" at our house. Mainly because I am so bad at it. Also because I struggle a lot with what we are actually teaching our children with current mainstream America ways of interacting with the wee ones. For example: This morning at church Lacy went to Sunday school. When I went to pick her up she had this little stamp that she got to take home. She was the only one. The Sunday school teacher told me how good she had been and about how she got a "special prize." Lacy also told me about getting to pick out a special treat from the treasure chest. What I heard was "We were successful this morning in finally getting your child to comply and behave better than the other children this morning. We took the liberty of teaching her that good behavior is rewarded with toys and special treatment." So, at our house we are very bad at structure. Mommy is very bad at structure. We have a few routines like, well, we have two routines. First is bedtime and second is the rule that you can check out the number of books from the library that equals your age. Lately I have been thinking about adding more routine. But at almost 2 and 4 I think that freedom is a good thing.

Nevetheless, we did do a "lesson" We talked about the difference between free drawing and observational drawing. We used special pencils and the good paper. We practiced looking at an object and then looked and drew two things. This all took about 30 minutes. (Max 30, probably 20.) Anyway, it went well. I did have to keep pointing out things to Lacy. Like "What else can you see?" "What do you see on the side of the shoe?" Then at the end we had a very good talk about perspective. Because I did not draw the same parts that Lacy did. The one problem we had was that Lacy kept picking up the shoe, or changing her perspective. So her picture became disjointed showing the inside of the shoe and the side of the shoe. Looking at her drawing the one thing that surprised me was how she was able to write the letters from the brand name. c-i-r-c-o. We haven't started writing letters yet. I tried a little. She isn't interested though. We read a lot and I have worried on occasion. She can sort of write an L for her name. But, here she really did observe. Because those letters c-i-r-c-o. They aren't the letter L and she hasn't ever asked to see them written. I know she has seen them in books. But really they don't have context for her. So she was doing a very, very, good draw of drawing what she saw. Here our our pictures. Lacy's, Mine, and Oliver's.

We also found the old light brite. Circa early 1980's. The bulb still worked and everything. Lacy decided to try doing the flowers instead of the Transformer templates.

Unassisted Pregnancy

I didn't realize this had a name. But, the other night I went to knit with some of the moms from the homeschool group we are joining and heard the term. I was telling my story abot being frustrated with the midwife situation here. Feeling like the midwives here do not want to be found or do homebirths, and not wanting anyone really but my dear friend midwife who has attended my first two. I was amazed to find another mom there with a very simliar story. Third baby, planned homebirth, and long distance midwife. Not using a local midwife except as backup. She asked what I was doing for prenatal care and I told her I was planning on just sort of staying off grid. She siad "Oh, I am a big fan of unassisted pregnancy." So now it has a name. This whole notion dooms me and the baby to death in many people's eyes. So it is hard to always be justifying my decision. But, lo and behold, I am not the only one who has done this. A simple google shows many moms who even have their babies with no help!
This whole issue came up last night at the Mom's Night out Dinner I went to with a different group than the knitting ladies. And the shock was definitly there. But, I must admit I left with quite a bit of my own shock. I sat there with moms who are so sure that their OB's are the only thing keeping their baby's healthy. This saddens me so much because it denies how much we are the main source of our pregnancy's health. Also, the fact that these women who have all had baby's were the most uneducated about childbirth and prenatal care. The assumption was there that all baby's must have multiple ultrasounds otherwise you will have no idea of their baby's health. Also in the hospital they assume everything the doctor does is absolutely necessary. And besides if you don't have a trained expert weigh you then how will your baby live. I am getting a bit crass here. But it is to prove a point. We as women should be the gatekeepers of our health and also pregnancy, brace yourself here, is not a disease or a medical disability. It is hard and you may feel like crap and it is sometimes high risk and does turn into a serious medical condition. But in the vast majority of cases: pregnancy is a normal passage of life. So pregnant women out there. Be strong, trust yourself. And more than anything be educated. ON YOUR OWN. The OB knows how to deal with hih risk pregnancies. You mama are probably not high risk. So for me I don't want the average 6 minute appointment where the only thing that is looked for is problems. So keep gestating baby. We're doing fine!
For more information on the myth behind our prenatal care system read the book Expecting Trouble. I highly reccomend it.

baby number 3 Or, Oh, WOW wasn't expecting that...

Today was a big day. It started out not so big. But tonight I can't sleep and have been thinking of what I am going to do special for the next gragg baby. And this is it. For baby number 1 we had portraits taken at 36 weeks. For baby number 2 we had a beautiful belly sculpture made at 36 weeks. And for this baby. I am going to chronicle my pregnancy here with all of you.

So today I found out I am pregnant. It looks like this all began sperm to egg on the 7th of October. So still very early. Still in that "don't tell anyone zone..."

This morning I felt a little nauseous during my oatmeal and I thought...Hmmm...then there was crying last night during a home showing of Eight Below. So as we swung by Target for other stuff I grabbed the pink box of little pee sticks. I bought the expensive three pack because hey, I probably am not pregnant and I'll have some on hand for the next time I get that silly notion that I'm knocked up. We went to Costco and had lunch, which I couldn't eat, and I thought hey, maybe...but no. On the way home I chatted with the new daddy who is also the old daddy of the older two and mentioned how emotional I am and how I think it must be PMS to which he said the crazy thought lurking in the back of my mind. SO, home I went. And, right before going to school I peed on the stick and what do you know two pink lines.

Tonight is the late night at school. Like 10pm late so I knew I wouldn't get to tell daddy-O until late... so what's a girl to do but leave it by dear husband's tooth brush.

The verdict. We are thrilled. I really want a big family. But, since I started back to school this Fall I am a little worried about what it means about my master plan to become a nurse midwife. But, these things always have a way of working themselves out when you decide to focus on the blessings. So we are thrilled but in that overwhelmed this is all so new and life changing kind of way.

So Baby number 3 we are so glad you are on your way!